Why?

A history.
Close up.

I have started working with tea and ink recently. I listened to an interview with Li Chevalier who greatly inspired me to keep working after I had a bit of a scare with some powder pigments I had been using. Since this scare I have been working with tea and ink. It feels safe to me, like a comfort, a blanket you come to when you want to be held. As I have come to these materials, work has begun flowing out of me. It feels like a history of sorts, my history. As I have been working on them I have been asking myself the question, why am I important? This year has brought a different perspective of mortality to me. During lockdown I experienced my first full body panic attack, I literally thought I was dying or that I was going to die. Since then, they have continued off and on. I feel now, that I have a different perspective concerning death. Before it was intellectual, now somehow, it has become experiential. I have not died but something I thought I have been ok with, all of the sudden is something I am realizing I am not as ok with as I thought. I wonder in this work why I do what I do, why is it important? Why am I important? When I leave this world, will it really matter? More importantly, why do I feel like it should matter? It is an interesting experience living. Why is it that we have a need to feel important? That is what this work is about. Why?

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